Hey Mom! I want a Tattoo!

It is amazing the topics you hear while just enjoying a cup of gourmet coffee in an espresso bar, you should try it sometime! This week I actually had the privilege of having an open discussion with a young guy (will refer to him as “risk taker”) who frequents our café, and we talked about the whole “tattoo” issue. The key word here is “open” discussion, which is important for teens as well as us parents. According to “USA Today” people between the ages of 18 and 50, one in four are tattooed. It is also said that nearly half of all 18- to 29-year-olds have either a tattoo or a piercing.

Parents, as with every generation, we have our feelings and beliefs and environment in which we grew up in which influences how we feel and think about things, and teens today have theirs. Would we get better results by discussing “issues” before we decide that we are right all the time?

“Risk Taker” has actually had his tattoo for almost two weeks now and even though he lives at home, his Mom still does not know that he finally got one. What! A tattoo! And, Mom doesn’t know yet? But Mom, here is the deal, he really didn’t want to keep it from you but he is afraid to tell you because he knows you will get mad as you have very strong beliefs and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. “Risk Taker” says that he and his parents have a very open relationship but they cannot talk about “tattoos” because his Mom is dead set against it. The tattoo is actually a replica of his grandfather’s World War II patch from where he fought in that war. “Risk Taker” collects WW II memorabilia and wanted the tattoo because he was very close to his grandfather who has now passed away.

So, what do you think? Is this one of those battles that we could include on our ‘picking and choosing what is actually worth fighting over’ list? “Risk Taker” tells me that this has absolutely nothing to do with rebellion only the fact that he loves his grandfather. I know every situation is different but “Risk Taker” doesn’t believe this will affect his future as he is planning to work in graphic arts, photography and music. However, “Risk Taker” did tell me that it could be very addicting, even though it hurt an awful lot when they were putting the tattoo on his forearm. He said he felt very free as though he finally got to do something without worrying about everyone else’s feelings and thoughts.

While his Mom still doesn’t know about his tattoo and that is something he must face, we all face “issues” with our teens in this difficult-to-accept-much-of-what-is-happening world we live in today. Some teenagers ask their parents for permission to get a tattoo, and some are going and getting them anyway. Some are asking about body piercing while others are just having that done without asking. Are they trying to talk to us about these issues but are being ignored? Do we need to push the door of communication open a little wider? Good communication is key to a good relationship with our teens.

I would also like to ask our teens to give us parents the benefit of the doubt. Let’s get a mocha or a frappuccino and talk about what is going on in each of our lives. Educate us and help us understand why you feel the way you do and how can we come to a mutual agreement. You know, at least we should agree to disagree and keep the lines of communication open.

So, what if “Risk Taker” was your teenager? How would you react? What is the next step? Drop me an email with your thoughts.

Signed,
Peppermint Mocha –
Peppermintmocha@chosen4action.com

PS - By the way, thanks to all of you who participated in our poll last week and for making our page one of your top reads for the week. Perhaps this will help all of us to be aware that we are responsible for keeping our teens safe!

Do you know where they REALLY are?

As I was drinking my mocha this morning I was thinking about how often I hear teenagers sitting around discussing all the things they have done or things they were supposed to do.

We as parents drop our teenagers at an event and then later we call their cell phones or we text them to see how it is going, we get the standard response, “everything is great”. Later we go to pick them up right where we dropped them off and we do the “normal” thing by asking them how it was, did they enjoy it and we get the “typical” response, “Oh, it was good.” Most of the time we do not even realize that we are getting the limited details – I mean, come on! - We are talking about teenagers here!! We always get limited details!

I would like to hear from the teenagers out there, I would like them to participate in our poll found on this page: Do you often find yourself NOT telling your parents where you have really been or what you have really been doing?

I wonder how many teenagers tell us as parents where they really were or do they just conveniently not tell us because that way they do not feel like they are lying. Sometimes we get a partial truth which is enough to distort the truth.

How many of us adults really know what the word “deceit” means and have we taught it to our kids? Deceit means to lead into error, misleading or causing one to believe that which is false. Do our teenagers know that deceit is just as wrong as lying?

Parents, I am not advocating that all teenagers do this but for their own safety, how much information do we get before and after our teenagers go out. Why are we afraid to get details? Are we afraid that we will discover things that we didn’t know or are we afraid that they might get angry because we want to know so much? One thing I have learned as a parent, asking for the details from my teenagers does not mean that I don’t trust them, it means I care enough that I want to know where they are and what they are doing at all times because it is my responsibility to protect them.

Our part is to pay the bills, provide for them and we are the ones who are supposed to protect them from the outside world and warn them of the dangers of life. I also like to think of it this way, when we get old, they are the ones who will be running this country therefore it is our responsibility to mentor our teenagers and train them to be honest and loyal.

Teenagers please take our poll on the following website: www.womantalk.us

Parents write and let me know how you think together we can raise up responsible, honest and trustworthy teenagers.

Next week: “Hey Mom! I want a Tattoo!”
Signed,
Peppermint Mocha

peppermintmocha@chosen4action.com

Are they using their cell phones to text their friends or a clinic for a “MAP” (morning after pill)?

As I walked in the teen café this morning I could hear the buzz all around the room about the “MAP” (morning after pill). Not only is everyone talking about it but text messages are keeping the cell phones vibrating about the way the doctors are dealing with it in the United Kingdom. They now have a pilot program for teen girls to text the health care clinic to ask questions about the pill and to get counseling. They feel that this is a way to at least get the girls to come in and talk about it and get the right information before making a big mistake.

The good news is that it is not for the girls to text and actually be given the pill but to get them to come in for an appointment. According to the BBC News Network, the pilot program will start in December and last for one year only. Girls, how do you feel about this? Do you think having clinics that teens can visit without their parents knowing is a good thing?

The buzz of course is all of the different views and what you think the pill is really for. Some are saying it can be used as a contraceptive, but is this accurate? There is a huge discussion concerning the time that lapses after taking it and does it really prevent you from becoming pregnant or is it actually killing the embryo and killing the baby. Wouldn’t this depend on how long you wait to take the pill after conception? It is believed that you can wait up to six weeks to actually take the pill. Does that make a difference now in how you view the “MAP”? The truth is that the same amount of hormones used in the “MAP” is used in oral contraceptives so could we be looking at a whole new way people view contraceptives.

Sound off with your views and opinions by emailing me or posting your comments here!

Signed,
Peppermint Mocha

Peppermintmocha@chosen4action.com

What does your favorite coffee drink say about you?

Moms with teenagers are always looking for places to hang out with their kids and a place where all of them can enjoy being together. The excitement for me is that because teenagers today are hanging out in coffee shops as much if not more than we do means we have finally found a mutual hangout!

My favorite coffee drink is peppermint mocha and I like it because it has chocolate, after all, what is mocha without chocolate, right? The peppermint gives it a mint flavor with the sweet so it is like having a great peppermint patty. What does that say about me? It means I can be sweet and loving but to the point and clean at the same time. The whipped cream on top definitely sets the drink off and I like to think of it as smoothing out all of my rough edges.

As you are thinking of your favorite coffee drink, think about why it is your favorite and what it says about you. This is our new café hangout and the best part will be you showing up with your favorite drink and joining us in a chat.

I would like to invite you to send me an email naming your favorite drink and how it describes you then, sign off with your favorite drink name. Coffee buddies love to sit and chat and discuss issues which we want to do here each week. We all have issues and in your email please tell me what issues you would like to talk about in our café.

As a grand opening special we have a gift for you, the first five teens who write me with the above requested info will receive a treat to go with your coffee!

Signed,
Peppermint Mocha

peppermintmocha@chosen4action.com